Who Loves You?

“A woman's dress should be like a barbed- wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view.”
Sophia Loren

The simple part of rebuilding your closet is figuring out what you love. The harder part is finding out what loves you. There is nothing more tragic in fashion than seeing a women wearing something ill-fitting or non-flattering just because it's the trend. I want to run up to them and scream: "Please stop! There are so many other things in the world that would look good on you!"

The truth is there is no certain formula for flattery. Magazines try desperately to create one, publishing their annual swimsuit guides to help you find the best shape. Or telling you over and over that wrap dresses flatter everyone, especially curvy women. Here's the truth: they don't.

I am a curvy woman. And I'm not using that, as so many fashion magazines do, as a euphemism for plus-sized because I'm not. In my best shape I am a 6, sometimes as 8 depending on the cut. The curvy comes from the fact that I am busty. It makes shopping hard because my waist doesn't fit the same size as the bust. It also makes wrap dresses unflattering and unstable. I have to have security in my tops and a strategic safety pin just ends up pulling. So I am exception to the universally flattering rule. Which is tragic because I have a thing for Diana Von Furstenberg wrap dresses. They just don't love me back.

Finding what loves you is a long process, but a worthwhile one. Once you get through it, it will make shopping so much easier. Here's a lose plan of attack:

1. Start with your own closet. Look at those things that you love because of the way they make you look. What about them do you love? What features do they highlight and what features do they camouflage? How do they compliment your lifestyle?
2. Try without the buy. Go to a department store and try on a variety of cuts, silhouettes, and styles. You should have some knowledge if the things like a-line, sweetheart neckline, etc. if you did your research homework in part one. Try on a variety of styles of the staples you know you love and need--pants, shirts, sweaters, dresses--whatever fits your love and lifestyle.
3. Don't stop with clothes. Try on shoes in with a variety of heels. Strappy, wedge, platform, flats--what flatters your legs and works with the way you live. Look at jewelry--what chain length looks best on you with the types of necklines you wear? Are you a bracelet person? What metals work best with your skin tone?
4. Go to a respectable lingerie shop. Some Victoria's Secret stores have bra experts, but some of them are less than specialized. Wherever you end up, have a fitting (I know it can be embarrassing to some, but it will change the way you wear clothes). Have them explain to you the correct way a bra should fit and feel. Seriously, the correct bra can change your life and most women wear the wrong size. (I was a fitter at VS, but it is something that should be experienced rather explained so I just say "Get thee to a bra shop!")

During all this trying on, take notes if possible. What have you learned about yourself and the best clothes for you? You can take a friend with you during the process, but I must give a word of caution: only take a friend if their are somewhat fashion knowledgeable and constructively honest. It doesn't help to take someone who is too nice to tell you honestly what works and what doesn't; on the flip side it doesn't help to take someone who is overly critically (mom?). Rather you want someone who, when they tell you that they love the dress, can be specific with things like, "The waist is flattering and the length shows off you legs in a tasteful way."

The point is to figure out what looks work for you. From there, you can start to shop for things that you love that love you back and avoid wasting money on trendy items that may or may not flatter. Sometimes the trend will be perfect for you. Great! That means that something you love will be easy to find. (My love of studded black metal accessories is being rewarded this season.) If not, it will make shopping a challenge, but at least you won't end up with a closet full of last year. Your closet will always just be you--fun and fabulous and full of love.